


Landslide

by silasfinch



Series: Last Tango in Halifax [2]
Category: Last Tango In Halifax
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Coming Out, F/F, Family Feels, Gen, No Lesbians Die, Parenthood
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-15
Updated: 2019-07-28
Packaged: 2020-01-13 16:22:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,043
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18472615
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/silasfinch/pseuds/silasfinch
Summary: AU: Caroline Elliot is a recently (not entirely voluntary) outed single mother struggling with identity and family dynamics. Kate Mackenzie is a fellow single mum with a passion for music, her daughter and the sad chemistry teacher in the corner of playgroup and LGBT events alike. - the stages of a relationship."My husband decided I wasn't as attractive as his research assistant. My first girlfriend decided I wasn't worth the effort or time investment" Caroline laughed bitterly " all I need is need an eccentric best friend, and I'll be ready for a modern Nora Roberts script.""If I remember my Nora narrative conventions correctly, isn't this the point were handsome, tormented yet tender soul is supposed to interrupt your cycle of misery?" Kate offered with a lopsided grin and theoretical scouting of the area."Are you offering?"





	1. Needing Nora Roberts

_So when you're caught in a landslide_   
_I'll be there for you; I'll be there for you_   
_And in the rain, give you sunshine_   
_I'll be there for you; I'll be there for you_   
_And every time that you're lonely_

_Every time that you're feeling low, you should know_  
 _I'll be there for you; I'll be there for you_  
 _I'll be there for you, you know_  
Oh Wonder - Landslide

  
"God Dam it!"

"Hey, are you ok?"

Caroline Elliot looked up from her book and was surprised to find tears streaking down her checks, completely ruining poorly applied makeup. She has felt this low-grade depression for months; it still came out of the blue. The face that slowly came into focus was creased with concern absently bouncing a young baby on their hip.

"Yes, I'm fine."

"See that could be more convincing if you weren't sobbing in a park on 'Family Fun Day' surrounded by chemistry textbooks instead of knee deep in Cheerios and crisps" the other woman disagreed lightly sitting on the park bench and offering a gentle smile.

Caroline attempted to return the smile gratefully accepting tissue and dabbing at her eyes. There was no way to make herself look even remotely presentable, but an absence of mucus is an excellent place to start. She didn't have any standards left but becoming a laughing stock of the boys' playgroup irks long dormant pride.

"They send you over here to scold me for ducking out of my rostered duties or my terrible snack making skills," Caroline guesses gesturing vaguely at the huddle of parents working efficiently under the shade of a large willow tree.

Motherhood didn't come naturally to Caroline Dawson Elliot - she adores her sons, but none of the instincts came in the hours after labour- every milestone and smile fit like a test for her to fail. Of course, few people guess this from outward appearances. The cliche of British stoicism is downright useful at times.

"We aren't all judgemental blue bloods you know, who mock and gossip" was the mild rebuke. "I'm Kate by the way and this my daughter Audrey. We have friends in common."

Caroline winces at the mild rebuke her social skills are deteriorating along with her mood and waistline- ever since the separation and her unceremonious outing at school. There is no need to take her frustration out a fellow mother whose only crime is concern and compassion. John's bitterness and sarcasm drive her mad yet here she is repeating the pattern.

"Caroline Elliot attached to William. I'm sorry I didn't mean anything by that you are welcome to bid a hasty retreat I'll help with cleanup duty in a little while" she promises with an attempt at a genuine smile.

" Thanks but William seemed worried and sent me over here to check on you. We are choir buddies" Kate confided gesturing vaguely in the direction of the children.

Caroline scanned the crowd spotting her redheaded son sitting by himself with a sketch pad and a neatly arranged snack collection. The chaotic mess of children, imaginary and junk food swirls around him without seeming to break his concentration. The isolation feels painfully familiar even if William is a much more artistic soul.

"He is too alone, too much like me" Caroline blurted wearily wincing at the element of desperation in her voice and the fact she is confiding in this near stranger.

"From all reports that are far from a bad thing, William idealises you" Kate soothed "absentmindedly settling a fussy Audrey with her key chain.

Caroline feels drawn to the calmness and certainty in the other woman's voice. Kate Mackenzie is the kind of effortless social person that she alternatively admires and avoids for fear of failure. Audrey is turning into a mini-me with the same bright smile and curious gaze. Most babies look indistinguishable at that age, but the similarity is oddly charming.

"Sometimes I think he should find somebody new anybody. I'm such a mess, barely fit to be seen in public let alone at a playgroup " Caroline signed regretfully gearing up to politely dismisses this well-intentioned stranger.

"I'll grant you that being surrounded chemistry textbooks wouldn't be everybody's idea of a good time, but I wouldn't go that far" Kate disagreed before persuading her daughter to loosen her stranglehold.

"I just got dumped. Gods, that sounds so ridiculous - like I'm 16 and not 36."

"Not easy at any age whatever the terminology."

"My husband decided I wasn't as attractive as his research assistant. My first girlfriend decided I wasn't worth the effort or time investment" Caroline laughed bitterly " all I need is need an eccentric best friend, and I'll be ready for a modern Nora Roberts script."

Alison words were far more brutal and disruptive - outlining many flaws without regards for feelings or the public setting. Evidently, Caroline was a mess whatever the gender of her relationship partner at the time.

"If I remember my Nora narrative conventions correctly, isn't this the point were handsome, tormented yet tender soul is supposed to interrupt your cycle of misery?" Kate offered with a lopsided grin and theoretical scouting of the area.

Caroline was temporally distracted by the sight of William being pulled Into a game of rugby by a very determined looking girl with pigtails. She responded without thinking to feel a surge of recklessness that fits with this strange day and encounter.

"Are you offering?"

Kate gave a startled laugh at the comment. She wasn't in the closet by any means, but she didn't think the reclusive Caroline had paid the slightest attention to her quietly delivered announcement. She had seen Caroline on the edge of a few queer-friendly events, but the younger woman had respected everyone's right to privacy. Still even distant and shy the woman was beguiling and charming, Kate might have a little crush. Then as now, Caroline held herself with such coiled tension, it was no wonder young William was worried.

Caroline flushed realising what she had implied.

"I'm sorry.."

"I think I'm too inherently optimistic and transparent to make Nora's grade. What you see is pretty much what you get" Kate parried neatly not addressing Caroline's inquiry joking or not. "But there is something I want to discuss with you."

Caroline wasn't brave enough or possessed of enough timing to say the first thought that sprung to mind. Kate looks beautiful in the afternoon light and making her smile seems like an achievement.

You could make any grade.

 

+++

"William has an aptitude for singing and music - I would like to foster his talent."

The two women are walking around the park with Audrey sleeping peacefully in her stroller. The boy in question is still intent on his game and doesn't notice the conversation outside the makeshift tag pit. Caroline feels her mood lifting as Kate gently coax a different topic.

Caroline blinks in surprise at the unexpected news. As far as she knew singing was just a hobby for her shy son, his voice lovely but generic. There was undoubtedly no musical skills on either side of the family, though her father could hold a tune. At this ages what kind of development did a talent warrant?. Her love of the sciences let naturally to Advanced Placement classes. The image of her son struggling in a talent show makes Caroline feel vaguely ill.

"What does that mean exactly? lessons?"

"Only if he wants to later down the line - I thought he could join a music holiday programme over the school break, its a good balance of activities and there are plenty of kids his age."

"William doesn't do well being away from home especially since the divorce - could he attend for a few classes?" Caroline asks wearily

"Of course and look it's just a suggestion - applications don't close for another week or so"

Caroline nods and takes the leftlet that Kate extracts from her handbag. On the back, there is a picture of a few of the teachers including the impressive credentials of Ms Katherine Mackenze including several teaching awards and recognition.

"I don't normally hawk my professional biographies at children's parties, in case you were wondering. William is just such a lovely boy" Kate demures with a self-conscious shrug.

"You are doing a good job regardless I will talk to my ex-husband."

"Ok - ring me if you have any questions - I better get sleeping beauty back to the car, and you said something about cleanup duty."

"Kate..." Caroline calls a slight quiver in her voice

"Yes..."

"Does being William's choir buddy present a conflict of interest if we went for coffee sometime? Minus playpens and cheese balls."

"Not sure if I remember the rules of grown-up coffee, but there is no conflict, Dr Elliot."

Caroline feels vaguely ridiculous standing with red eyes and tears stains, but the way Kate is looking at her makes these facts seem incidental. A small flame of hope catches in her heart; it's unfamiliar but welcome.

 

+++

  
"Alan, can I talk to you for a moment?"

Alan Buttershaw looked up from the onions he was slicing for the their traditional Sunday dinner. He brought the same precision to cooking that he had brought to the shop floor everything was in need rows.

"Of course you can Caroline. Just let me get these on, and then we can have a cuppa."

Caroline quickly moves to the kitchen counter reflecting how much she enjoyed her wonderful relationship with her mother's second husband and the calming influence he brought to their historically fractured parental bond. He had stepped seamlessly into the role of grandfather and seemed genuine bright and optimistic.

He was like Kate in that way, and the automatic comparison felt strange and fitting and at the same time.

Her unexpected friendship with the other single parent had become a bright spot in her life. Their coffees and dinners were relaxed and enjoyable. Kate was a great listener and was equally delighted with her daughter as Caroline was with the boys. Single parenting is always a challenge and its enjoyable to have a sounding board.

They often lost track of time and were mutually interrupted by pagers or parental demands. Neither broaches the topic of where these dates are leading, and the questions stay away from romance. Kate does little to hide her interest, but she respects boundaries and seems willing to let Caroline make the first move.

Caroline found herself smiling at the memories and the pleasant distraction from the recent drama.

"What can I help you with lass? It's good to see you looking more cheerful" Alan inquired as he brought two mugs over.

"Things have finally started to settle with John and custody arrangements. We've reached an agreement over Lawrence's schooling. His novel advance has eased the tension some" Caroline commented wearily as she accepts the cup.

"That is excellent news the boys will be delighted to have regular visits.

Unlike the rest of his family, Alan absolutely refused to bad mouth John and refusing to allow Celia to do the same. He only intervened when a drunken John began to insult his ex-wife in public. Her stepfather took his role seriously and knew how important maintaining civility is within the family. He had refreshing notions of honour and priority that stood the test of John's obscure references and cleverly valid threats.

He had been an absolute touchstone especially with how the personalities of the Dawson woman came into conflict.

"It is definitely a relief" Caroline agreed with a sigh.

"But there is something else on your mind?" Alan ventured softly

"I think I need to tell Mum and I"m not quite sure how to do it."

"Ah"

It had happened entirely accidentally. Alan had been wanting to confirm a bill payment with his stepdaughter and had entered her study unannounced. In plain view, there was a selection of queer books and erotica.

Caroline was utterly mortified and had unexpectedly burst into tears. The man absorbs the potential scandal and revelation without so much as a flinch. She had already respected Alan a great deal, but his quiet support, hugs and discretion had cemented their relationship. He had listened to her cry and reveal the many many fears that had haunted her without judgement — even going so far as to heading off Celia's matchmaking at the pass.

"Your mother can be a difficult person, but you know she loves you right?"

"Somehow I don't think it is going to be that easy. I tried once in colleague and if did not go well. She complains about the 'overly liberal' coverage in the mail for heck sake. Let alone the civil union debate. How is she going to take this with the boys in the picture?"

"You mother is often more bite than bark, but if you approach it right, she may surprise you and don't forget she can express all the opinions she wants, but your life is yours to live. Those boys will adjust to anything and everything. You are hardly going to choose somebody who dislikes kids, are you? " Allen reasoned softly " I have no idea what exactly your mother imagines, but perhaps she has grown from Oxford days; you certainly have."

"We can hope."

If her mother can find happiness later in life maybe Caroline can take a chance on the music teacher from playgroup.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

_You fell down by the wayside_   
_Love locked in an overflow_   
_And you threw stones at the starlight_   
_Cause I stood on the sidelines telling you_

_That I get that you're lonely_   
_And I see that you feel alone_   
_But I hide in your heart beat_   
_I'll be there for you, you know_   
_Oh Wonder - Landslide_

Kate Mckenzie is a lovely human being.

Caroline Elliot knew this objectively the second Kate rescues her from sobbing on the side of a children's activity day. Caroline has enough Dawson genes to be taciturn and reserved by nature. John spent many drunk evening 'jokingly' complaining that she is an almost painful stereotype of the British reserve.

Her career ambition and financial planning kept their mortgage paid and financed his first two book failures, but that was beside the point. The long arguments with her former husband become increasingly bitter as she withdraws further into her work as a Chemistry teacher and mother to growing sons.

In hindsight, her first relationship since the acrimonious devoice was an act of desperation rather than liberation. Her girlfriend may be in the right gender, but that is where their compatibility ended. Fortunately, the extraction process was much more straightforward. Given that her former lover did not want a relationship with 'Caroline's children' and flinched every time the notion of commitment is brought up in conversation.

" I'll entertain the boys and Audrey while you finish marking those papers" is what Kate says when Caroline spills apple juice over a test sheet.

"You are doing a decent job. Things will seem better in the morning after some hot chocolate and a bath." is what Kate texts at 3am when Caroline is in the middle of a lice infestation.

" There is no perfect formula for handling divorce and emerging sexuality. You need to stop trying to find one" Kate advises when Caroline asks for advice about talking to William and Lawerence about her future partners.

"I think you lost the right to comment on Caroline's relationship choices a long time ago. Any person, any woman is fortunate to have Caroline in their lives in whatever capacity" is Kate's response to a tasteless crack from John about midlife crisis and a younger woman.

A thousand little moments make up her growing relationship with Kate. Caroline wishes she was the type to journal so that she could capture them fully but remembering to smile is proof enough.

John Elliot may know many words and languages, but Kate knew her better in a manner of weeks than many years of marriage.

 

 

  
***

"I can't sing a note."

"The ability to recognise a B flat is not a mandatory entry require nor will I be running a pop quiz, Dr Elliot."

"You must get Confessions of Tone Deaf Parents fairly often" Caroline comments with a smile.

They are sharing a coffee in the tiny space and serves as Kate's office in the Music Department. Ms Mackenzie is primarily a languages teacher but volunteers her time for music outreach and enrichment programmes. The room is full of books and an odd assortment of musical instruments, but Kate still manages to make space seem homely and welcoming. The thank-you notes from children and parents make Caroline smile.

"It's fairly common but not that different from parents coming to you and talking about how rusty their comprehension of fractions is"

"Touche. I worry that this is part of life where I can't support him or foster talent and passion. William has so few of those. I would take the fractions or even calculus any day."

Kate pushes over a box of tissues without question as Caroline starts to wring her hands and fight nervous agitation.

"All you need to do is show up, just like Lawerence's rugby or any other event. Respectfully, Caroline, it strikes me that you hold yourself to extremely high standards, especially when it comes to motherhood. I know for a fact you aren't nearly as strict on those around you. Have you thought about talking to someone?"

Caroline feels her pale cheeks flush with embarrassment at the gentle comment.

"You must be getting so sick of hearing me jabber on, especially when I haven't even asked about your dad yet." Caroline begins apologetically

"That's not what I am saying at all. Both Dad and Audary are doing well, and this weekend, he knew who we were, which is always a bonus. I will always be here to listen to Caroline, but that doesn't mean my advice will always be objective or what you need at the time. There is no shame in seeking professional support and boundaries."

"There is in the Dawson Household"

 

***

"Everyone will be better than me, Mummy."

Caroline tries not to wince at the self-doubt and fatalism in her eldest son's voice. He is too young to have a default temperament of constant worrying. William is her son through and through just as Lawerence is a mirror of John's natural going nature.

On her good days, the Chemistry teacher convinces herself that the extreme personalities balance each other out. Surprisingly it was relatively easy to get John to agree to the holiday programme and the expense; it may have something to do with his perception of 'artistic genes'. Caroline is happy for the legitimate excuse to see Kate again though they hardly need a pretext at this stage in the relationship.

"No, they won't be darling. This time is a fun holiday programme to learn new skills and increase your singing range, not a competition. It's like Lawerence's soccer sessions." Caroline explains hoping she is getting the references right.

William still looks dubious and clings to hand tightly as they follow groups of children down the hallway. For once, Caroline wishes for John's presence and easy banter with the boys that tend to break their oldest son out of his worries.

"Aunt Gillian and I will be waiting for you after the lesson. We are having your favourite roast and chocolate icecream for dessert" Caroline makes the decision almost instantly.

Caroline pulls out her phone as she waves William into the room, trying to smile encouragingly. The name for a local counselling service has been in her phone for months, without her summoning the courage to dial. Her hands shake only slightly as she waits for a voice to pick up on the other end.

 

***

"So you fancy this, Kate, then?"

Gillian Greenwood as the question as they settle into the cafe to wait for William to finish is the first lesson in the holiday programme.

Caroline marvels at how far she has come not that she would ever boast or set a Facebook post. This development is both as an individual and in her relationship with Gillian Greenwood in particular. There was a time when discussing feelings of any nature with the abrasive farmer would seem unthinkable. It took her decades even to acknowledge her attraction to woman much less act. The sweeping progress of LGBT rights and self-identity is universal even in Britain.

"Yes, I think I might, which is a ridiculous notion given how much of a mess my life is. I'm not sure if John or I have worse taste in post devoice woman, which is saying something."

"Ok first of when agreed never to mention She Who Shall Not Be Named ever again. Second, we are single parents; our lives are always going to be messy."

Gillian became one of her fiercest supporters when things got particular vile with John, his alcoholism and the mistresses. Rolf, Willian and Lawence have many emergency sleepovers when things got broken beyond repair, and Caroline needed to seek an emergency injunction.

Her relationship with Alan's daughter is still contentious at times, especially when it comes to discussions of wealth, politics or society, but they are finding peace. The club of single motherhood is a tough one, especially under the circumstances that Roif lost his Dad. Alan and Celia are so happy there is a lesson to be learned from happiness later in life.

"From what you've told me, she is a single mother and teacher who adores William and supports you in your career. Such a starting point is at least worth a dinner invitation right?"

"Kate thinks I should see somebody professionally about everything that is going on, with John, the boys and That Woman. I can't seem to stop crying all over her, not a good starting point at all" Caroline disagrees.

"Dad and my GP practically brought me back to life in the dark days. There is nothing wrong with seeking help in whatever form that takes. A realistic beginning is the best beginning for any relationship at our age, Caroline."

 

  
***

"So your Kate is Nigerian then?"

Uncharacteristically it is William who dominates the conversation at family dinner between bites of roast and potatoes. He is regaling his grandparents and aunts with stories of choir practice and 'Miss Kate'. Celia smiles broadly but saves her questions for when the boys are in bed and at least pretending to sleep.

"She isn't my anything mother just a lovely woman who teaches music and languages" Caroline isn't going to declare anything before strictly necessary.

"The way you and William talk about the woman she may as well hang the moon and stars in her spare time."

Caroline struggles not to react to the question or the ponderous way the remark is made, like a private dog-whistle frequency. In that, she is always antagonising her relationship with her mother. Celia isn't racist in any conventional sense, but she does have an age typical resistance to change and sweeping concept of emigration and demographic shifts.

"Having Nigerian heritage does not mean Kate will inherit a herd of goats or a small African printability, Celia. I am sure she can comment on Archers and make a fine gravy just like any good English girl" Gillian teases with a grin.

"I wasn't implying anything of sort. It is just a surprising fact given Kate's last name is Mckenzie."

"Oh for heaven's sake.."

"The important thing is that William is enjoying her lessons, and Caroline is making friends with a fellow teacher. Both of our girls work far too hard as it is" Alan interjects firmly giving his wife a stern look as he stirs sugar into his coffee.

"Of course that's right. Why don't you invite the wonderful Ms Kate to dinner one day. We can all meet her and show where the Dawson music talent comes from" Celia seems genuine in her peace offering.

Caroline fights the childish impulse to argue, knowing that she needs to meet her only remaining parent halfway. Marrying the love of her life hasn't changed Celia Dawson fundumentally. She is still abrasive without a natural talent for mothering, but she is doing her best to become a better family member.

 

 

 


End file.
